


Merry Christmas, Harley Quinn

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: "healthy" relationship, Car Chase, F/M, OC Bob, Psychos in love, Sex, car race, crazy christmas shopping, jewerly heist, mad love, murderous clowns, tree burning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 01:56:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9050677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker and Harley decide to go Christmas shopping for each other without telling the other one they are going out.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoyalFlushGang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyalFlushGang/gifts).



Harley smiled brightly leaning back as far as she could without falling, her arms held wide and her tongue sticking out as far as she could stick it, waiting for the snowflakes to fall on her outstretched tongue. 

She looked adorable dressed in a red, fur-lined coat, a red and black knit cap pulled low over her eyes, fuzzy red mittens with matching fuzzy red boots and black and red leggings finished the outfit. Stray locks of white hair had slipped loose from her cap to blow in the wind. She was getting more of her own hair in her mouth than snowflakes. Joker had been watching her, waiting for the moment when she would stumble backwards, but so far she had managed to keep her balance. He gave her a few moment, but when it was clear she was not going to give up on the snowflakes and she wasn't going to fall over backwards, he came up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist. He pressed his lips against her cold cheek grinning. 

“You ready to come in and get warm pooh bear? Daddy's cold.” 

Harley giggled and then said, “You promised we would get a Christmas tree tonight.” Harley stuck her bottom lip out. 

Joker narrowed his eyes. “You're Jewish Harley.” 

“SOO!! Christmas trees are so bright and colorful...I LOVE Christmas trees!!” Harley stuck her lip out further as she leaned backwards against him. 

Joker, who was dressed in a giant purple parka that nearly swallowed him with a deep hood over his head sighed. “I suppose we can get a tree only if I get to set the tree lot on fire...” 

Harley giggled turning around in his embrace to throw her arms around his neck. She giggled rubbing her nose against his which caused Joker to chuckle. 

He sighed. “You know I can't deny you anything cupcake.” 

Harley squealed pressing herself against him even more firmly. “I promise to pay you back.” Her tongue flicked out to lick his lips which got her a shudder of delight from Joker. 

“Oh you are going to pay me back good.” He chuckled with a waggle of his green eyebrows. 

* 

They set out a little later thinking to hit one of the closed Christmas tree stands littered all throughout Gotham. It was approaching midnight and the snow was picking up, promising some accumulation that evening and a possible white Christmas. Bob, his bald head decorated with a headband adorned with glowing reindeer antlers, was driving in the freshly stolen 2017 Cadillac CT6 Sedan. The car was a deep crimson red and Joker hated it. He had only killed the owner and taken the damn car when the guy had passed him on the road and given poor Bob, who had been driving, the finger. It was rude. That, of course, Joker simply could not put up with...plus Bob had pouted afterward and no one liked it when Bob pouted. Joker had to teach the driver a lesson...granted, it was a fatal lesson, but oh well—that's just how some lessons were...you only got to learn them once. 

The only thing about this car that Joker enjoyed was the back seat where he currently had Harley on her back. 

“Hmmm...now where else are you ticklish my crazy beauty?” Joker giggled, his gloved hands sliding under her sweater, fingers finding all the right spots to send her squealing while he leaned in and started to lick and nibble her neck. 

“Mistah J!!!” Harley wiggled in the most enticing way which made him wonder if they had enough time for him to get her pants down. Joker began to lick her ear and nibble on he earlobe, one hand sliding up to squeeze a breast. 

Bob just grinned listening to his bosses giggle in the backseat while he drove around Gotham looking for the biggest tree lot he could find. When he found the perfect tree lot, Bob stopped the car. He glanced back to get their attention, but turned quickly back around and nearly jumped to get out of the car. 

Joker giggled. He had Harley's jacket, sweater and bra pulled up over her breasts with his tongue and lips playing over the soft, warm flesh of her breasts. He growled softly nuzzling between her breasts. Harley groaned. “Puddin, it's cold!” 

Joker sucked on the nipple of one breast, blowing hot breath on her skin. 

He giggled. “Better?” 

“Mmmm...puddin...” Harley moaned arching her back for more, her hand stroking him through his slacks. 

Joker's hand just slipped down her torso, a hand snaking under her leggings and panties, his long fingers searching for that spot that made her nearly scream with pleasure when Harley moaned. 

“I think the car stopped puddin.” 

Joker sat up looking around. “Oh, we're here.” 

Harley shot up straightening herself out and squealed. “TREES!” 

Harley leaped out of the car running onto the lot, adjusting herself as she went. Joker got out much more slowly, zipping up his pants and looking simultaneously disappointed and slightly annoyed. Bob was standing with his back to the car watching snowflakes fall in the light of the street lamps. 

“Come on Bob, we need to make sure she doesn't try to snag the biggest tree in here,” 

Joker grumbled as he shoved his gloved hands deep into the pockets of his oversized coat pulling the scarf up over his nose and mouth following the sound of Harley's squealing delight. Bob came around the vehicle, following behind the Joker. The big man wore a light blue tutu trimmed in some sort of white fuzzy stuff. Joker neither had any idea what it was, nor did he care. Over the tutu Bob wore a little baby blue jacket, also trimmed in white fuzzy fake fur with his slacks and some very heavy black steel tipped boots topped off with his antlers that danced merrily on his head. 

* 

The two men walked onto the tree lot following the sounds of Harley squealing. The sound of her delighted voice could be heard floating on the cold air toward them. 

“This one, no that one—no this one!” 

When they finally caught up, Harley was standing by a gigantic tree. She was looking up, up, up to the top of a Scotch pine. As Joker stared walking up beside her, he immediately was shaking his head. 

“No Harley. It's too big.” 

Harley turned to look at him, her bottom lip sticking out. “Oh come on puddin, it's gorgeous!” 

Joker sighed. “It also won't fit through the door or up the stairs Harls. Now if I was planning an elaborate escape, say from Arkham, then this tree would be perfect. Otherwise, no.” 

Harley wrinkled her nose. “Fine,” she huffed. “Spoil sport.” 

Joker made a face at her. He glanced around and then pointed with one glove finger. 

“How about that one baby?” 

Harley glanced over to see that Joker was pointing out a darling fat tree that would be perfect for their bedroom. Harley's eyes widened just before she ran over to the tree. 

“OH PUDDIN!!! IT'S PERFECT!!” 

Harley hugged the tree just before she threw herself into her puddin's arms. 

Joker caught her just in time or else they would have both gone barreling over onto the pavement. Joker grinned and motioned for Bob to get the tree. She annoyed the hell out of him sometimes, but at other times he would do whatever it took to make her happy...within reason. 

As the three of them walked back to the car, Bob walking behind with the tree over his shoulder and whistling Jingle Bells, Joker put an arm around Harley's shoulders. 

“You know why Santa is so jolly Harley?” 

Grinning brightly Harley looked up at her puddin. “No Mistah J, why?” 

Joker's grin widened as he murmured. “'Cause he knows where all the bad girls live.” 

With that Joker gave her rear a hard playful slap that made her squeal stumbling toward the car. “Mistah J!!” She giggled. 

Once they had the tree secure on top of the car, Joker, weaving his arm through Bob's arm, turned Bob around to look at the tree lot. 

Harley was on Joker's other side, her arm through his other arm. The three of them gazed out on a literal field of dead trees. 

“Gents, you know what this means correct?” Joker asked grinning from ear to ear. 

Harley giggled. “Burn it?” 

Joker nodded emphatically. “Yes, my dearest sex kitten! Burn it!” Bob nodded his head with enthusiasm. 

Joker let go of their arms, producing a lighter from the depths of his purple coat pocket. Bob gleefully ran around to the back of the car and produced a jug of gasoline. He joyfully ran from tree to tree not just leaving a trail of gasoline, but splashing the trees as he went. Joker pulled out a cigarette and lit it before taking a long drag on the cigarette, putting his other arm around Harley's shoulders watching Bob dancing around flinging gasoline everywhere. 

“Look at him Harls,” Joker said in a pleasant tone. “He is having such a good time. Does my heart good.” He took the cigarette from between his red lips to blow a long stream of smoke into the air. 

Harley sighed. “Yeah puddin, he looks so happy.” 

“He looks like a damn Christmas angel.” Joker giggled. 

Bob danced back to them with the gas can empty. All grins, Bob thumped the can to show that it was indeed empty. 

Joker laughed. “Good job my friend.” 

Joker strolled over leaning down and flicked on his lighter, turning just enough to wink at Harley before he lit the gasoline. 

Within seconds the trail burst into flame, the fire raced along the line of gasoline that Bob had created. Within moments the first tree caught on fire. 

Harley squealed, clapping her hands and jumping up and down while the three of them watched every Christmas tree go up in flames. 

They stood there enjoying the sight of the burning trees when Joker heard the first siren. He laughed and took Harley's hand, flicking the butt of his cigarette out onto the burning lot. 

“We need to go my dear,” Joker said calmly and then glanced at the big man. “Bob! Home!” 

They hopped into the car and before the first firetruck arrived, they were already gone. 

* 

Once home, Bob carried the tree up to their bedroom for Harley and Joker, setting it in a large planter and filling it with water for Harley. Before Bob headed back down the stairs though, he received a huge kiss on the cheek from both Joker and Harley. With a blush, the big man left to go wherever it was Bob went to when he wasn't working with Harley and Joker. 

“We should get him something extra special for Christmas Harls,” Joker mused after Bob had left. Harley grinned. “Oh he would love something shiny!” 

“Hmmm...I'll have to give it some thought...” Joker nodded throwing his coat onto the floor and heading deeper into the shadows of their room. 

As Harley watched Bob go, the thought that she had no idea where Bob got off to occurred to her, but after dwelling on it for a couple of seconds she shrugged and turned to grin at her tree. 

Harley got down on her hands and knees, digging around under their bed for the Christmas ornaments she had stolen several days ago. She had gotten lucky at the shop she had decided to hold up; they had had a whole box of clown ornaments! All hand painted glass ones too, real classy! She had also grabbed a box of circus themed ornaments, red garland and two boxes of colors lights, and not the tiny lights, but the great big bulbed ones in multi-colors. 

Harley decided she would start decorating after grabbing something to eat and changing clothes. 

* 

An hour later, Harley was decorating not just the tree, but anything she could find that would hold a Christmas ornament. 

While Harley busied herself with decorating their tree and more, Joker sat down and turned on the TV stopping when he found the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. He snuggled down into the beat-up looking couch cushions with a large bowl of popcorn. Harley was going to string the popcorn and put it on the tree, but it was too much work and her puddin was happy eating it, so she let the idea go. 

Joker snarled reaching over to shut the TV off. “I can never understand why they ruin a perfectly good holiday story by having the Grinch bring all the presents back...it's stupid.” 

Harley, who was throwing garland around the tree glanced over to where Joker was sitting on the couch. He had changed into a pair of pajama pants, black with purple polkadots and a black tank top that read “We're all Mad Here” on it with a big Cheshire Cat smile. 

“What's that puddin?” Harley was standing precariously on a chair while she worked. Joker pointed at the TV. “That Grinch!! He had gotten away with it, stole everything in the whole fucking city and suddenly he decided to give it back because they started singing? That's stupid. Hell, he should have killed all the parents and taken all the presents. He had the perfect opportunity to get away with murder!” 

Joker stopped his rant for a moment, then started laughing. “Get away with murder! Ha!” 

Harley giggled. “Oh puddin!” 

Joker turned around, sitting on his knees laying his arms across the back of the couch as he watched Harley with the tree. He frowned studying her, but then a slow smirk began to form on his face. He decided he was going to get Harley something for Christmas...jewelry! He would get her something shiny and really expensive! 

While Harley hummed Jingle Bells and decorated the tree, she thought about what she wanted to get Joker for Christmas. Something funny...something...big...something...sharp. 

Joker grinned watching her. “You done yet?” 

“Almost puddin.” Harley started tossing gobs of tinsel at the tree. 

Joker put his lip out. “Daddy's bored Pookie.” 

Harley swiftly threw the last of the tinsel at the tree turning around to face him, throwing out her arms. 

“Tada!!” 

Joker laughed. “It looks like a fire hazard! I love it!” 

Harley grinned, but then the next moment Joker had vaulted over the couch, slammed into her, knocking the air from her lungs as he grab her off her feet, tossing her onto his shoulder and then he deposited her onto the bed. 

Joker yanked his shirt over his head throwing it to the side, immediately dropped his pants, and then threw his arms out wide.. 

“And for tonight's entertainment I introduce to you: the naked Joker!!” 

Harley sat up cross-legged on the bed and clapped her hands. 

“It's my favorite performer!” 

Joker bowed then looked up giving her a mischievous grin. 

“Now let's see what kind of tricks the Joker has up his sleeve tonight shall we?” Joker's smile was wide and full of the devil. 

Harley squealed with anticipation. Joker growled at her, dropping onto the bed and crawled toward her on his hands and knees. His eyes were full of lust, baring his teeth at her while grinning. Her blood was running hot. She loved it when Joker was playful like this...she loved him all the time. but these occasions were particularly fun. She tried backing up further away from him, but Joker snagged her ankle and yanked her toward him. Harley squealed again making Joker chuckle wickedly. 

“Oh, I'm going to make you squeal,” he hissed. Harley was about to respond, but in the next moment Joker had flipped her over onto her stomach. 

As he pressed himself against her, she could feel the almost burning heat of his erection against her rear, burning through her layer of clothing. She groaned, every nerve ending in her body on fire for his touch. Joker leaned forward, pressing his groin to the round firmness of her backside. He ran the length of his tongue over her ear snarling a question. “Do you want me Harls?” 

Harley moaned. She could feel his erection pressing against her firmly and oh, how she wanted him. 

“Yes Mistah J...oh yes...” 

Joker purred, but then suddenly his heat was gone. Before Harley could whimper and whine about it, he suddenly grabbed her pants, panties and all and yanked them down and off her legs. 

The sudden exposure to the cooler air made her gasp, but then Joker's hand replaced her panties. Harley groaned when he touched her, digging her fingers into the sheets, her eyes screwing closed with the pleasure of his touch. 

Joker's hand was warm as he searched between her folds for that particular spot he knew would drive her crazy. Harley hips rose off the bed, his warm fingers finding the particular spot and started to rub. 

“Yes puddin...oh yes...” 

Harley gasped then moaned rolling her hips with the movements of his fingers, biting into the blankets while she groaned with delight. Joker grinned watching her, leaning down to bite her rear, hard enough to make her jerk, but not so hard as to be terribly painful. 

When he started sucking the flesh in his mouth, his teeth gently kneading her skin, his tongue rolled over the bite in his mouth, marking her while his fingers rubbed. Joker continued until he had made a nice purple mark on her in the shape of his mouth. He stared down at the visible mark he had left on her rear and started to laugh. Harley, hearing his laughter, came with a sudden gasp, moaning his name. 

“Oh puddin!! Oh yes, yes!!” 

Joker laughed at the sudden flood of wetness against his hand. He moved his fingers, sliding down then up to shove his two fingers inside her. Harley cried out again when his fingers slid inside her, but then she had to focus on her breath as his fingers moved in and out slowly, then suddenly he would increase the speed. She clenched crying out, her back arching with her climax. He used his fingers for a few more minutes admiring the way her back curved, her hips in the air, spreading her legs for him. 

His erection was so hot and hard that it throbbed to have her, to take her right then. He loved the little sounds she was making, the muffled groans and whines...her bare backside...But Joker never liked to take his pleasure too fast...drawing it out was so much more fun. 

“On your hands and knees Harley pumpkin.” Joker giggled moving around behind her. 

Harley's smile was wicked as she did what he asked, wiggling her hips back and forth. Joker laughed giving her rear a playful slap before he ran his hands up over the round cheeks of her backside. He spent several minutes just admiring the view, her skin like milk, smooth and silky under his touch. He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth while his hands slid back and forth down the slope of her rear, her hips, her back. She was the most beautiful thing he had...the mark he had left on her backside glowed harsh against her pale skin making him want to mark her again, possess her. 

He moved in closer wanting...no...needing to feel her. He rubbed the head of his shaft against the warm wetness of her, groaning. Harley shoved back, wanting him to slide into her, to feel him filling her, to ease the aching inside her. 

Joker dug his fingers into her skin of her hips, taking a few experimental thrusts, just barely entering her before he would pull away, torturing them both with what felt like endless teasing. 

He shoved her away with a growled. “Not yet...” 

Harley turned around then, pouting. “But puddin I need you!” 

Joker laughed. “Do you...well show me then how much you need me.” 

Harley frowned for a moment, then grinned with narrowed eyes. She pulled her top off tossing it aside. Joker sucked in a breath through his teeth. She was...beautiful seemed a pale word to describe his Harley...alluring, ravishing, winsome, magnificent and his...all his... 

Harley laid back against the pillows, her hand moving down between her legs while she gave her puddin a coy grin. Joker eyes wandered over her, watching her as she moaned his name as he sat back on his haunches. 

“Oh Joker! Oh yes...” 

He ran his tongue over his upper teeth watching her touch herself. Breathing through his nose he started to pant. He craved her... 

When she made herself climax it was his name on her lips. 

“JOKER!!” He balled his hands into fists to prevent himself from simply attacking her. He narrowed his eyes watching her every movement, the way her body arched, the heat of her orgasm rushing through her body, her pale skin flushing, the hardness of her nipples.... 

Just when she started to come down again Joker grabbed her hands pressing them over her head laying his body over hers, pressing his groin between her legs. He grinned that wide grin of his that excited her in more ways than simply for the promise of mind-blowing sex. It was the way he looked at her, the way his eyes took all of her... 

“Mmmmm...Harley...” He purred, brushing her nose with his, Joker's lips teasing close to hers. He almost tickled her lips with his, not quite touching. 

Harley couldn't help the whine in her voice. “Puddin...you're being mean!” 

Joker laughed grinning down at her. “Am I?” 

Harley stuck her bottom lip out. “Uh-huh.” 

Joker licked her bottom lip grinning. “Oh I suppose you have been very good....very, very good.” 

Joker kissed her. His tongue pressed past her lips to twist with her tongue. Harley moaned struggling against him holding her arms over her head. His kiss burned through her, the feel of his body pressed against hers a burning delight. He released her hands dragging his fingers down her arms. He grabbed her face between his fingers biting her lips tenderly, brushing his teeth over her tongue. Harley's hands caressed his shoulders while Joker moved down her body dragging his tongue over her skin, stopping at her neck to make a mark on her porcelain skin. Harley groaned the feel of his teeth on her made her shudder. She threaded her fingers through his hair while he squeezed her breasts, his tongue circling each nipple, teeth scraping over the hardened nub. He started sucking again, marking her breasts, each one receiving a deep purple mark. He flicked his tongue over her nipples, using the very tip of his tongue to stimulate her already overly simulated body. She felt like liquid, warm and malleable under his touch. Joker laughed against her stomach causing her to groan again, especially when she felt his teeth and lips, sucking, licking, biting her again. She rolled her hips, her fingers massaging his scalp while he moved even lower. 

He dragged his fingernails along her sides, over her breasts. Harley gasped as she arched her back. 

Joker stopped again just over her sex biting and sucking, Harley cried out. 

As Joker grinned, she could feel his smile against her skin. His next mark came at the soft joint between her thigh and hip. She groaned into his bite. “Oh puddin...” 

He chuckled again just before his mouth fell upon her swollen clitoris. He didn't just lick and kiss her, his tongue played along her, his lips moving softly, his teeth sucking, his tongue flicking up and down. Harley sat up, her fingers in his hair tightened, her legs wide as she thrust her hips against his mouth. Joker sat up scooping her hips up onto his lap, bending over her. He continued to kiss her, curling his tongue against her, sucking deeply, drinking from her. 

Harley dropped back down with a long low moan. She wasn't sure what she had done to be this good, but she was extremely happy Joker was so happy with her, but then she groaned climaxing with a thrust of her hips. 

Joker laughed biting the inside of her thigh when Harley sat up. She caught him by surprise, hooking her legs around him in such a way that she could flip him onto his back. 

Joker rolled and landed with an “Owf!” then Harley bounced a little as she straightened herself up over him. 

She grinned down at him, purring, her eyes deadly wanton. 

“You're mine...I wanna fuck you...” 

She grabbed his erection a little roughly which had Joker gasping, but grinning...she slid down on him with a loud moan, her face transforming into an expression of pure ecstasy. Harley hooked her feet just above his knees pressing her hips down. “OH puddin I wanna feel you...” she groaned. 

Once she had him inside her, Harley couldn't hold back, she couldn't control herself any longer. She dug her nails into his chest and started grinding hard against him, her breathing coming in gasps. 

Joker groaned when her warm wetness enveloped him as his long fingers caressed her sides. When Harley dropped forward, her breasts brushing against his lips and chin, Joker shuddered. 

He reached up, grabbing her breasts in both hands, his tongue snaking out to caress one nipple, then the other between his panting breaths. He could feel her taking him deeply with her slow forward thrusts then she would adjust and moved straight up before coming down on him. He closed his eyes against the onslaught of hedonistic indulgence of being fucked by her. 

Joker released her breast to growl. “Hard Harley...harder...” 

He felt her laugh against his ear, her teeth moving to embed in his neck, sucking hard on his throat she ground her hips riding him hard. Joker groaned loudly. They were both close...their bodies in perfect harmony with each other. Harley sat up gasping, thrusting She came with a burst, dragging her nails down his chest. The mix of pleasure and pain sent Joker over the edge. He thrust upward, his hands dug deeply into her hips, his nails pressing painfully into the soft flesh. They both shouted together. 

Harley didn't stop. 

She kept fucking, kept moving, riding her orgasm into another. Joker jerked, shuddered while she continued to take her pleasure from him which started him laughing and moaning a strange guttural laugh of pleasure letting his girlfriend have her way with him, which caused her to come again finally collapsing on top of him. 

They both laid there panting together, Joker idling stroking her back with one hand. Harley giggled. “I think I'm spent Mistah J...” 

He giggled. “Hmm...me too Harls. Maybe we should get some sleep?” 

Harley sighed happily. “Yeah....” 

* 

The next evening, Christmas Eve, Joker decided to slip out and get her Christmas present. When he got up, Harley was still asleep. He grinned looking down on her naked, the sheets having slipped to her hips, her white blonde hair a tangle around her face. The urge to get back into bed and wake her up was hard to resist...He chuckled quietly forcing himself to walk away. 

While he was dressing, Joker decided to hit this exhibit that had just opened at the downtown Gotham Art Museum. It was a jewelry display containing all the jewelry of some woman...a princess he thought....he wasn't sure but he didn't think it mattered. The important part was that there was a lot of shiny pieces of jewelry down there and Harley would love it. 

He slipped on a pair of dark purple slacks with a dark blue and purple paisley shirt, with a lime green and blue striped tie. He matched it with a lime green vest, a pair of black and white wing tip shoes, black and red aryla socks (that Harley had gotten him), purple leather gloves and his favorite dark purple trench coat. He grinned at himself in the mirror as he applied bright red lipstick to his lips. He pressed his lips together then released them with a smacking sound then adjusted his flower on his lapel. 

“Perfect.” 

He grabbed his cane and headed out for a bit of girlfriend shopping. He thought about taking Bob with him, but then at the last moment decided that having Frost drive would be better. Bob was terrible at keeping secrets. 

* 

Harley opened her eyes after she heard her puddin leave, assuming he had some work to do. She sprang out of bed quickly and raced to the closet. She pulled out her trusty red and black bodysuit, but this one was her special “winter” version with a nice fur trimmed hood, furry pompoms and a nice white ruff of fur on the sleeves, ankles and around the coat. She yanked her hair quickly up into pigtails with holiday themed ties and stuffed it all under her hood. She applied her make up at record speed grinned at herself, her lips a glossy shade of black. 

“Ain't you a peach Harley?” She giggled winking at her reflection. 

“Now...a gift for Mistah J....” Harley walked around their bedroom tapping her chin as she did so trying to think of a perfect gift. Suddenly she stopped mid pace...knives...yes...new, beautiful knives...Her eyes popped open even wider. Yes! She knew exactly where to go! The Gotham exhibition hall (not a hall, that was just what they called it which drove Harley crazy. It was a big old ugly building! Not a hall!) They were having a Christmas knives and guns show! Yes...the security, night and day was pretty heavy...but with Bob's help and maybe she could get Red to help her too...Yes!! 

Harley rushed around looking for her cellphone. She was always misplacing the thing which was why puddin was always having to steal her a new one. The latest in a long line of phones was hot pink with little sparkles all over it. Harley found it finally under a pile of leggings. She flopped down on the floor and immediately started to scroll through her contacts. 

Mistah J wasn't real fond of Red and Red wasn't fond of him either, but the two of them had a grudging “respect” for the other because of their mutual love of Harley. Chewing her bottom lip, Harley finally found Pam's number and hit the call button. 

“Harley? What's up? You finally ditching the clown?” Ivy's voice had that seductive yet slightly distracted tone. Even though Pam couldn't see her expression Harley pouted. 

“Red stop being so mean you know I love him. And he loves me too.” 

She heard Ivy snort. “If he loved you he wouldn't always be putting your life in danger.” 

“Red I didn't call to talk about puddin...well actually I did...I want to get him something for Christmas and I wanted to know if ya wanna help me?” Harley asked hopefully. 

“Aren't you Jewish?” Pam sounded confused. 

Harley rolled her eyes. Why was everyone so stuck on that? 

“Did you hear about that big gun and knife show at the big convention building?” 

Pam made a noise that Harley took to mean yes. “Well, I wanna go steal Mistah J some knives!” 

Pam made another noise that Harley couldn't decipher. “Bob is coming,” Harley murmured hoping that would encourage Pam to come along. Red really liked Bob a lot. Bob had a whole lot of plants all from Red though Joker had forbidden him from keeping any in the hideout. Mistha J said he didn't trust them not to try and kill him. 

“Fine—I'll go.” Pam sighed as Harley squealed into the phone. “Okay Red! Bob, and I will be there in a jiffy!!” 

* 

Joker was sitting next to Frost as they did a circle of the museum. There were several security guards walking the perimeter, though it looked as if the roof might be clear. Joker couldn't be sure from the car, however; they needed to get up there. He grinned at Frost. “This would be so much more fun if I wasn't worried about getting away. But Harley would never forgive me if I got myself thrown in Arkham for the holidays.” 

Frost nodded. “Yeah Boss, she would be pretty pissed at you.” 

Joker sighed, but then chortled. “Can you imagine her face! I wouldn't get any nookie for hours!” He giggled throwing his head back. “It would be hell!!” 

Frost pressed his lips down on a laugh...hours...try minutes...one of the dangers of taking Boss and his girl anywhere was the chance of them going at it anywhere at any time. Frost had seen far more of his Boss and the Boss's girl than he cared to...that one time in a middle of a heist...Harley on her knees with Boss's...Johnson...in her mouth...yeah a little too much. 

Joker wiped his eyes. “Alright Frost my lad, let's climb a building.” 

* 

On the roof of the Gotham Art Museum, Catwoman had just arrived. She purred to herself walking toward the skylight that looked down into one of the exhibit rooms. The room holding the jewels of some Queen...lady...Selina wasn't sure of the title of the woman. All she knew was that one of the pieces was a diamond and emerald encrusted panther brooch. Worth a small fortune, but Selina wanted it for her collection...and if a few other valuable pieces happened to go missing as well...then c'est la vie. She smiled her cat-like grin and was just getting ready to start cutting on the glass when she heard laughter. She quickly ducked back behind the huge air conditioning unit taking a few deep breaths and settling into the darkness of the shadows. 

“Well, well,” said a voice that sounded all too familiar to Selina. “I always love it when they have sunroofs—makes getting in a little easier.” 

Selina turned around and her eyes bugged. It was Joker and one of his men. What on earth was he doing here? Granted, the jewelry was worth millions, but Joker wasn't a “jewel thief” usually. What on earth was he doing here? And with only one man? 

Joker, with his hands behind his back, leaned over looking down though the skylight. Frost watched and waited for Joker to tell him what to do. After a moment of contemplation, Joker made a slight hand signal. Frost dropped down to his knee and began creating an opening into the glass. Catwoman hissed with annoyance. 

* 

Not quite on the other side of town, Bob stopped the car outside the abandoned remains of an old garden center that had long ago fallen into ruin. Harley sat in the passenger seat of the van Bob was driving. She leaned over and gave Bob a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks Bob, be right back!” 

Harley leaped out and rushed over the the crumpling gate. With a running jump, she leaped up and grabbed the top of the gate quickly pulling herself up and over, landing in a crouch on the ground on the other side. She stood with a grin and pranced off toward the large greenhouse that existed in the middle of the nursery. As she skipped closer, a few of the plants (who a regular person would have though were dead from the winter chill) leaned toward her. Harley grinned. “Hey big green boys! It's just me guys!” 

She heard Red's voice drift to her from within the building. “Come on in Harley.” The plants retreated, disappearing back into the shadows as Harley stepped up to the door. 

Harley pushed the doors opened and stepped inside. Despite the winter cold outside, the inside was like walking into the tropics. 

Harley fanned herself with a hand and groaned. “Ugh so hot.” 

Harley heard a chuckle somewhere among all the foliage. She grinned feeling like Lara Croft as she pushed thick vines out of her way until she finally saw her best gal pal, Ivy. Ivy was standing over some tiny pots with little baby plants in them. Red's hands hovered over the little plants gliding in a graceful dance. The plants leaned and weaved with her movements like they were dancing along. 

“Hey Red!” Harley giggled as she hopped over to stand nearby her friend. 

Ivy smiled, glancing sideways at Harley. 

“Hello Harley. So...you want me to help you with getting a gift for your loony boyfriend?” 

Harley leaped up to sit next to Red's plants on the table where she was working. Harley swung her legs back and forth reaching out to stroke the petals of a flower. The little plant leaned into her caress as Harley spoke. 

“Yup there is this really beautiful knife at the show I told you about. I looked it up on the internet and it's perfect for him, shiny and purple!” Harley squealed happily. “Oh Red he would love it!” 

Ivy sighed. “I will never understand you two. He is always putting you in danger with his completely crazy schemes and his courting trouble with Batman all the time. It's not good for you Harley. ” 

Harley smiled softly. “It's love Ivy. What's there to understand? Puddin doesn't put me in danger on purpose.” 

“I suppose you're right.” Ivy let out a reluctant sigh. For all of Joker's many faults, it was clear even to Ivy that the psychotic clown loved Harley. 

Finishing with her plants, Ivy turned and rested a hand on her hip. 

“So where are we going again?” 

“Come on—I'll tell you on the way.” Harley jumped down and grabbed Ivy's hand, practically hauling her out of the greenhouse. 

When they got outside and over the gate to the car, Ivy squealed. “BOB!!” 

Bob blushed smiling brightly. Tonight the big man was wearing red and white, a red tutu trimmed in white, with a matching Christmas fascinator that looked like a brightly wrapped present, large red bow accented with red tulle. 

“Oh Bob, don't you just look adorable tonight!” Ivy cooed reaching through the window to gently pinch one of Bob's cheeks The big man turned a bright enough red to match his tutu. 

The two women got into the back of the van; buckling they sat next to one another. “Gun it Bob!” Harley threw one arm forward like they were at the races. 

* 

Joker walked through the exhibit with his hands stuck deep in the pockets of his jacket. Frost was right behind him while Joker examined each piece of jewelry. He had done some research online so he had an idea what was available at the exhibit, but seeing the pieces in person was quite a different experience. He had to pick out the piece that best suited his girl. After searching through several of the display cases Joker stopped dead and stared. Inside the case, displayed on an ivory pedestal, was an exquisite ruby and diamond necklace. The display card stated that the necklace was a Burmese rubies and diamonds collar worth approximately 6.4 million dollars. 

Joker tilted his head one way, then the other, examining the necklace as a slow smile spread across his pale face. “I think this will do nicely for my sweets. Come over here Frost, tell me what you think?” Joker motioned for Frost to stand next to him. Frost stepped up beside Joker and looked down at the necklace. “I think she will love it, Boss.” 

Joker grinned. “So do I. A little ice for my princess.” He chuckled before he pulled out his hand gun and flipped it around so that he was holding it by the barrel and smashed the glass. 

Frost winced, though there was no sound of an alarm...silent alarms then? Frost was immediately on guard, looking, listening. That was when a shapely figure dropped down from the shadows to land in a crouch down the hall from them. 

“You boys are messing up my robbery.” 

Joker turned with a huge smile and then a little bow. “Why Catwoman, how not nice to see you!” He motioned with the barrel of his weapon. “That you, the alarms or lack thereof I mean?” 

Selina grinned. “Yes dear, that was me. Now, give me the necklace and scurry off like good boys—I don't feel like playing with mice tonight.” 

Joker sneered. “Oh, Catty Catwoman.” Joker wagged his finger at her. “You are so naughty my dear!” 

Joker picked up the necklace, gazing at it for a moment. 

“Nope, sorry darling, but this one is mine. But if it's any consolation, I don't care about the rest of the things here.” 

Selina snarled. “I am here for the whole set, you clown. That includes the necklace.” 

Joker giggled. “Greedy kitty.” 

He shoved his hand down into the pocket where he had just dropped the necklace, but instead of coming up with the jewelry Joker pulled out a round object with a happy face painted on it. 

“I'm sorry kitty cat, but my girl would look much better in this bauble than you.” With that he tossed the object at Catwoman who hissed and did several back flips to put distance between herself and what was surely one of the Joker's nasty weapons. When the the little ball struck the floor, it bounced once then twice, and a third time, then it rolled. 

Selina laughed. “A dud Joker?” 

Joker giggled. “Wait for it.” 

Just as he finished speaking, it exploded. The tiny ball filled the room with Joker gas, the bright green smoke spreading out in a cloud. 

Joker started laughing turning to run with Frost right beside him. Nearly choking on laughter Joker yelled. 

“Next time, puddy tat!” 

* 

Bob pulled up to an abandoned building two blocks down from the convention center where the knife and gun show was being held. The girls and Bob all got out of the car and silently they all turned and walked to the alley that ran behind the building. Each of them carried the tools of their trade. Ivy, nothing...she didn't need anything but herself. 

Harley had a messenger bag with hand smiley faces and J hearts H written all over it. The bag practically bulged. And lastly Bob, with a My Little Pony backpack filled nearly to bursting with who knew what. All Harley knew or cared about was that Bob was always present and he always came through. They made it to the end of the alley; across the street was one another building, not abandoned, but with a few loft apartments. Rather than an alley the apartment building had a private parking lot. The three of them looked around then the three of them moved swiftly (and in Bob's case, exaggeratedly walked on his tip-toes.) At this time of night the parking lot was practically full with only a few empty parking spaces. 

Harley leaned around the corner to examine their “goal,” the convention center. 

There were a few guards outside, rent-a-cops if Harley wasn't mistaken, nothing to be too worried about. She watched them for a few more seconds. They would walk their sections, stop, talk to one of the other guys, or smoke, or there was one who must have headphones in, because he would stop, do a handful of dance moves before he would twirl around and head-off into the other direction. 

Harley giggled. She looked around, swiftly spotting a door practically hidden against the wall. 

Harley motioned for the others to stay while she rushed over and tried the door. Of course it was locked. “Damn it,” she muttered under her breath. 

She glance skyward. The building was several floors high and the walls facing the outside were all glass. The doors in the front were a series of double doors that wrapped around the front only. This door, along with a few others that ran along the sides and back were designed for the staff. What she needed, Harley decided, was a side door that was used by the janitorial staff. They might be less likely to make sure it was locked since they did a lot of going in and out. 

She crept along the building's wall, careful of the guards looking for the door to the cave of wonders, finding it near a cluster of trash cans and dumpsters. 

She turned and gave her buddies a huge grin and a thumbs up as she slipped inside. Pam sighed glancing down at Bob, who had propped her up on his shoulder of while they kept a look out for Harley. 

“Why do we do this Bob?” she asked as she slid off his shoulders. 

Bob grinned and Ivy sighed again. “You're right, because we love her,” the green woman said with a slight shake to her head. “Come on then.” 

* 

Joker had nearly gotten to the exit when Catwoman pounced, but Joker surprised her when he leaned back away from her slashing claws with the skills of Neo. He came right back up with a hard right hook, catching her under the jaw, knocking her back hard. Being a cat, she landed in a crouch and hissed at him. 

Joker giggled. “Bad puddy tat!” 

Frost popped up around his boss and fired his weapon at her. She sprang away, hitting the wall with all fours and took off after Joker who had grabbed the rope and was climbing for the skylight. 

* 

Harley squealed clapping her hands and turning in a tight little circle. Around them were guns and knives galore. “It's just like Christmas!!” she squealed. 

Pam rolled her eyes. “It is Christmas, Harley. Now can we get this damn gift for that psycho of yours and get out of here?” 

Harley stopped, her smile still plastered on her face and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, sure Red!” 

Harley started skipping. “Look for the purplest, fanciest knife. It has all these wicked designs on it. I mean you will know it when you see it. It's just perfect!!” 

Pam rolled her eyes. “Fine, let's split up, but Harley—don't get too far away okay?” 

Harley nodded with a big grin, distracted as she searched through the inventory laid out. 

* 

Batman frowned. He had swung by the convention center just in case...that many weapons seemed like a prime target for many of Gotham's criminals, but so far the place had remained untouched. Though that didn't stop him from swinging by and checking nonetheless. The last few nights had been strangely quiet on the streets of Gotham. He didn't know if it was the upcoming holiday or the cold weather, but he had had Robin stay home tonight. Bruce hadn't seen a need to have the boy out when so little was happening—at least by Gotham's standards. But tonight as he watched the convention center, Batman was sure he saw movement inside...not the janitorial staff or one of the guards either. 

He took a running leap, crossing the open space without a sound and landing just as silently on the roof. He made his way swiftly to the doors that led further into the convention center quietly making his way deeper into the building. 

* 

Harley squealed loudly when she found what she was looking for. Bob and Ivy, who had been looking over a set of Bowie knives, both nearly leapt right out of their skins at the high pitched sound coming from Harley's end of the room. 

“Damn it Harley!!” Pam hissed. 

Harley was jumping around in circles, completely ignoring her friend. “I found it, I found it!!” 

Harley stopped long enough to hold up the knife she had been looking for over her head as if expecting a light to shine down on the blade. 

The knife itself was really quite beautiful, Ivy had to admit, when she got a look at it. The blade was a long, graceful stiletto, the metal itself having an off-purple almost opal-like appearance. As Ivy came closer and Harley held the blade out to her, she could see that the handle was carved with jester faces twirled and twisted in Celtic knotwork. It was a really fine piece of craftsmanship, Ivy silently admitted. 

Harley squeaked. “And you know what the best part is? There are TWO!!” 

That was when they all heard the low rough voice. “Put those back Harley—now.” 

“Oh shoot!! B-boy!” Harley snarled. 

* 

Joker and Frost took off running across the rooftop with Catwoman hissing like a banshee behind them. Joker giggled glancing sideways at Frost. 

“Oooo, she doesn't take no very well does she? You know what happens when your boyfriend is Batman? You end up with a bad temper.” 

The two men dropped down the side of the building, hitting the fire escape hard enough that the whole thing shuddered. It took a few precious seconds to regain their balance, both men holding on tightly, but then they were racing down the steps to get to the car waiting below. Catwoman simply leapt off, much like Batman, catching herself at the last moment with her whip, and swung in to kick Joker, her foot connecting with his shoulder with bone jarring force. 

The sudden kick caught him off guard and Joker fell, rolling down a set of stairs into Frost with a loud curse. “Shit!” 

He struggled to his feet managing to get up and block Catwoman's next attack with surprising ease. Joker pulled out a gun from the depths of his coat at the moment she did a side swipe from a crouched position. Joker fired at her...Selina threw herself off the edge, the shot just missing her as she dropped down one level below them and then tossed out her whip, swinging herself to the adjacent building. Joker frowned looking over the edge. 

“Nine lives seems like an unfair advantage over the rest of us doesn't it Frost?” 

Crouched down a little above Joker, Frost grunted. “Yeah it does at that, Boss.” 

Joker humfed just before he leapt over the side of the fire escape to land on the pavement below. Frost grimaced. God he hated it when Boss did things like that! But Joker landed, rolling and came up on his feet easily enough that Frost wouldn't be surprised if he had a bit of cat in him as well. 

“Come on Frosty boy! Before Miss Puss gets herself oriented again!” 

Frost knew he couldn't make that jump so he raced down a few more steps before he decided to jump from a safer height. 

* 

At the Gotham City convention center, Harley pulled out a rubber chicken which made both Ivy and Batman pause. Ivy groaned internally....what was she doing? 

Harley grinned. “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!” Then she threw the chicken at Batman. Bob threw himself behind some display cases taking a surprised Ivy with him. As Batman watched the chicken hit the floor, he threw a protective arm up. The chicken skidded across the floor and instantly exploded, bright green gas erupting from its mouth and backside to the crazed giggling of Harley Quinn. 

The gas, a noxious and thick green vapor, was harmless, leaving only a foul smell, but it had also helped obscure Batman's vision enough that he didn't see Harley bolt for the exit with Ivy and Bob right behind her. He flung his cape about, clearing the air just as he heard Harley yelp. “HURRY UP!!” 

His head snapped to the side, trying to follow the sound, but all he heard was the echoing bang of a door slamming shut. 

Batman snarled and took off after the trio of thieves. 

* 

Joker tumbled into the driver seat, slamming the key into the ignition, laughing the whole time. Frost just barely had time to get into the passenger side before the car was fishtailing it out of the alley. Frost grimaced....he usually drove and there was a very good reason for that! Hell, he had no idea Joker had even gotten the keys from him! 

Joker could drive just fine...if you weren't too worried about arriving all in one piece! Frost sent a quick prayer to some deity, any deity, to get them back in one piece. 

Joker was laughing when she saw Catwoman in the rearview giving rooftop chase. 

“She does not have the Xmas Atmos! Where is her spirit of giving? I can't really see why Batsy likes to knock boots with that broad!” 

Holding the wheel with one hand Joker leaned out the window. “Hey puddy tat!! Don't you have something better to do than chase me over one necklace? Ain't you got a litter box to go play in or something?” With that Joker let go of the wheel leaning out further to take a shot. Frost yelped, diving for the stirring wheel grabbing it before the car could crash into a handful of storefronts. 

Selina ducked, dropping down on the low roof of a building, cursing to herself. 

“I would, but you just had to take the necklace that was worth the most amount of money,” she snarled to herself. “God, I hate that clown!” 

* 

Harley and gang made it to the car, Bob jumping in and hitting the ignition. They drove at breakneck speed for a time, then spent at least fifteen minutes taking many turns and twists in a random route, but there had been no sign of Batman. Bob slowly eased off the gas and Harley started laughing. 

Pam rolled her eyes. “First off, why on earth did you need my help with that and second, why on Earth was Batman there? Geez, Harley, I thought this was going to be easy!” 

Harley, having trouble breathing through her giggles, grinned at Pam. “Did you see his face with the chicken Red? I've been waiting for the best time for that gag! I just wish puddin had been here to see it! B-man's face!! Classic!!” 

Ivy just glared at her, but Harley seemed oblivious. 

Harley started singing at the top of her lungs throwing her arms about. “Jingle Bells BATMAN SMELLS!!!” here she lost track of the song while she started to hyperventilate with giggling. “The BATMOBILE Lost a WHEEL!!! AND HARLEY GOT AWAY!!” 

She started laughing so hard again that Ivy smacked her on the back. Bob was making little jumping noises that indicated he was laughing too. 

They were just starting to make their way home at a more leisurely pace, when they all heard the deep thud of something heavy hitting the top of the car. 

Harley groaned. “Oh, come on!!” 

* 

Joker was laughing just firing randomly as Frost struggled with the car from his less than ideal position in the passenger seat. Catwoman was staying well back from the roof edges because though the Joker's shots appeared random, the damn clown had wicked good aim. 

Selina got to higher ground staying at the rooftops. She was just beginning to wonder if the necklace was worth this much trouble when she heard the screeching of tires and turned to see a vehicle barreling along the street below from the opposite direction...with Batman clinging to the roof. 

For a moment, a feline smile formed across Selina's features...the big guy...but she quickly squelched any feelings...he would be none too happy to find out she had been robbing the museum and was only after the Joker because she wanted the necklace. Maybe though... 

* 

Bob drove around a corner and nearly collided with the car coming around from the opposite direction. Harley's eyes widened as she saw her puddin hanging out of the approaching automobile, laughing and shooting away. 

“PUDDIN!!” 

The two car passed each other, Batman following Joker with his eyes. Joker, who saw him on top of the other car, frowned in confusion. 

“RED!! We have to save puddin!!” Harley grabbed her friend. 

Ivy looked aghast. “Why on earth do we have to save him? Batman is on our car not his!” 

Harley's lip came out and she whimpered, causing Ivy to growl. “Fine!” 

Batman was just considering switching vehicles when he caught sight of Catwoman above him too. What the hell's going on? he thought to himself, but no sooner had that thought entered his mind than vines started to grow from the windows of the vehicle he was currently hanging onto. 

* 

Inside Ivy was struggling a bit. They only had a few pines needles to work with that had been on Harley's outfit from her Christmas tree. The needles had barely been alive, but Ivy was pushing them in order to create the vines now pulsating through the windows wriggling their way up toward Batman. Bob glanced in the rearview mirror, his eyes wide as Ivy continued to coax the little life in her hand. 

* 

Joker dropped back behind the wheel taking it from Frost as if nothing were amiss. 

“Did you see that? Batsy was on someone else's car.” Joker pouted. “Not sure how I feel about that...” 

Frost glanced back, still a little panicked about Joker being behind the wheel when he frowned. 

“Wasn't that Bob driving though? And are those vines?” 

“What?!” Joker suddenly spun the car around in a fierce one-eighty, taking out a few trash can and almost causing Frost to wet himself as he held on. Joker started laughing. 

“That's Harley in there! I would bet my life on it! Ooooooo, that delicious girl! She is just such a pip!! Okay, I forgive Batsy!” He giggled. “Let's go help!” 

Frost paled, whispering, “Oh no.” 

* 

From her vantage point on a streetlight, Catwoman snarled when she saw the vines start to creep out of the other vehicle. 

“Ivy...that bitch!” She saw the vines and the car spinning with Batman still on top of it. Fine...the necklace would just have to wait...she really needed to help the old Batboy. Mmm...then he would owe her...and she might just have an idea on how he could repay that particular favor.... 

“Fine I'll help you, twisted my paw...” she said to no one and leapt down. 

* 

Harley was laughing, clapping her hands and cheering Ivy on as the vines started to bend the metal of the roof. Batman was pinned, his arms held in the strong grip of Ivy's vines. There was no way he could move to reach for his belt. Ivy was smiling pleased with herself. That was when Joker came driving up alongside them. 

“Hey Bob, my gal wouldn't happen to be in there with you, would she?” Joker, again was sitting out of his window while Frost tried to control the car. Bob, seeing the Boss, waved and nodded. A second later Harley's head popped out of the drivers window as she leaned across Bob's massive forearms. 

“PUDDIN!!” 

She squealed with delight. 

Joker laughed. “Ah my little minx, what on earth are you doing out on a cold night like this and with a Bat attached to your roof?” 

Harley smiled. “Oh nothing. Just Christmas shopping. What are you doin' puddin?” 

Joker shrugged with a grin. “Oh a little holiday shopping myself. I see you have a bit of a Bat problem my dear.” 

Harley pouted. “Yeah, but I got to use the chicken joke on him.” Harley giggled. 

“Oh gosh, the stinking chicken one!” Joker clapped his hands to his cheeks in delight. 

“Yes!” Harley squealed. “It was perfect puddin—I wish you could have seen it!” 

Joker laughed. “Oh, me too my sweet, me too. Well...we need to take care of the Bat there so we can go home.” 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than Catwoman dropped down seemingly from nowhere on top of Batman. For a second Harley's vehicle weaved as Bob struggled to adjust. Selina hissed and started slashing at the vines holding Batman down to the top of Harley's car. 

Joker grinned at Harley. “Maybe we should switch cars?” 

He held his arms out. “Come on baby!” 

Harley squealed crawling over Bob and out the window without a second thought and jumped. Inside the car Frost was cursing a blue streak as he struggled to keep the car under some sort of control, the sudden weight of Harley hitting the hood and partially blocking Frost's view had the car skidding and weaving while Harley leapt into Joker's arms. 

Ivy screamed. “HARLEY!!” 

Muttering curses under her breath, Ivy spit. “I am not going to Arkham again over a stupid gift for the clown! Bob, wanna come with me?” 

Bob glanced at Joker and Harley who were struggling to get back inside the other car. Ivy sighed. “I'll get you home for Christmas, I promise. But you could spend a cozy 

Christmas eve with me.” She gave him a winning smile. 

Bob glanced back at her again, blushed a little and nodded. 

“Okay big boy, hold on.” Ivy wrapped her arms around Bob from behind forcing him to let go of the steering wheel as layer upon layer of vine-like growths wrapped around him until Ivy and Bob were completely surrounded. The vines created a large ball of twisted vegetation that split open the door, ripping a wider hole in the vehicle, before falling out of the car, slamming into Joker and Harley's car which sent it skittering off into the night. The ball started to roll and move as if it had a mind of its own. 

* 

On top of the now speeding car that was lacking a driver, Selina cut away the last of the vines holding Batman in place. Bruce leapt to his feet wrapping an arm around her waist and without looking, shot off his grappling gun into the night. Selina yelped in surprise as they were suddenly jerked into the night just as the vehicle crashed into the side of a building. The car rolled onto its side with a hiss of a dying beast, though there was no explosion. 

Batman landed on the edge of one of the tall art-deco buildings, his arm still tight around Catwoman as he looked over the edge, a deep frown on his lips. 

“Well that was fun.” Selina's voice was a warm ripple down his back. 

Batman looked down into her bright green eyes. “What are you doing prowling about on a cold winter's night Selina?” 

She purred walking her fingers up his chest. “Oh maybe I was just looking for a little Christmas cheer...you know...to fight off the cold.” 

“You should get home. I need to follow those two lunatics.” Batman looked off to where the speeding car had gone. 

“Oh Batman...let 'em go for the night...it's Christmas...maybe you deserve a little present? You been a good boy or a naughty boy?” she purred wrapping her arms around his neck. Bruce sighed, but there was just the slightest of grins to his lips. 

“People could have been hurt...” he hissed under his breath though his eyes were on her full lips. 

“But no one was...now were they...” Selina smiled brushing his lips with the very tip of her claw. “How about a Christmas kiss, eh?” She purred again pressing in close. Bruce knew he should push her away and go after Harley Quinn, especially how that she had met up with her paramour...but no one had been hurt...and while he didn't know what Joker had been up to, there had been no urgent calls for his assistance...no Batsignal. Maybe...this was one of the rare times that neither Joker nor Harley had killed anyone? He didn't move for a split second, the Gotham night quiet now. The snow started to fall again, soft fluffy flakes that stuck momentarily to her lashes as Selina pushed her goggles up. 

She smiled invitingly and Wayne decided maybe one kiss... 

* 

Joker and Harley arrived back at the hideout, both of them laughing hysterically. Frost wanted to just lie down on the seat and pass out. Driving from the passenger seat while the Boss and his dame made-out was not Frost's idea of a good night, but Boss seemed happy and that was all that mattered. 

Joker got out of the car, carrying Harley on his hips. “Take the rest of the night Frost! Harley and I are going to be busy...” Joker ended the sentence on a high pitched giggle. 

Frost nodded with a slightly green look on his face. “Thanks Boss...” 

Harley frowned “What about Bob?” 

“Oh now dear, do we ever need to worry about Bob?” Joker cooed taking her inside. 

Harley tilted her head. “I suppose we don't Mistah J...” 

Joker carried his prize into their brightly colored bedroom and dumped her on the bed before kicking off his shoes, stripping off his coat (discreetly transferring her gift from his coat to his person) and joining her with a cheerful bounce. Harley still had her costume on and her bag of tricks, but she was swiftly untangling herself from the bag. Joker helped her pull her bag strap over her head, flinging it aside (without a worry about what might explode from the contents of the bag) before he laid his entire length against her, pinning her to the bed. 

“So my dearest...what were you up to tonight that got the Batman on your tail...Hhmmm?” 

Harley grinned her blue eyes sparkling at she looked up at her Joker. “I was getting you a pressie!” 

Joker smirked rubbing his pointed nose against hers. “Oh you were, were you?” 

“Uh-huh...what were you doing shooting out a car window with Frosty?” Harley stuck her tongue out licking his lips. 

“I might have been shooting at a cat...but I had gone shopping too...for a certain Harlequin...” He nipped at her tongue playfully. They both started to giggle. Joker covered her mouth, swallowing her mirth, mixing it with his own. 

Harley groaned against his passionate kiss. She started to struggle under him, trying to get a hold of his clothing, her goal now to get him naked, but he snagged her wrists pulling her arms over her head and pinned them there. 

He kissed her again, his teeth catching her bottom lip, tugging slightly. She could feel the hard press of him against her, the warmth coming from him. Oh, she waned him just as badly but first.... 

“I can't wait...I want to give you your gift now!” Harley smiled against his mouth, her words hot against his lips. 

Joker giggled nibbling her chin. “Okay...but your gift is on me...you are gonna have to find it....” 

Harley squealed. “A game!! Okay, okay hold on!” 

Harley rolled off the bed and dashed over to her bag. She dug around for a moment, throwing out a varitey of random, dangerous objects, before she pulled out something. With a squeal Harley jumped up and spun around, keeping the gift behind her back. 

“Okay ready? Close your eyes!” Harley was beaming. 

Joker sat cross-legged on the bed and closed his eyes, both hands out. Harley bounced over and placed the matching stilettos on his outstretched hands. 

Joker opened his eyes, one eye at a time, then slowly a huge smile spread across his lips. 

“Oh Harls!” 

Harley's smile brightened as Joker reached over, his hand going around her neck to pull her closer. He kissed her soundly, a deep knee-melting, lady bits on alert, WHOA MOMMA! kiss that had Harley weaving in place ready to drop. 

“I adore them Harls! They're perfect!” Joker giggled caressing the blades. He gave her a coy grin before he set the blades aside. “Now you're turn pumpkin pie...you gotta find yours....” 

Harley wiggled with glee. Stripping and searching Joker was one of her favorite pastimes! 

She started with the tie, catching it and tugging until the cheery bow unraveled. Her nimble fingers first undid the shiny buttons of his vest, sliding her fingers into the thin pockets before she set to work, one button at a time, unbuttoning his dress shirt. 

Joker sat patiently while Harley worked each button open, growling softly when the tips of her fingers brushed against his bare skin. She leaned in to skim her lips against his warm pale flesh which made Joker hum softly. She pushed the shirt back over his shoulders, running her tongue along his neck then his shoulder, nibbling softly. 

Joker giggled. “Getting distracted...” 

“Sorry puddin...” She giggled, leaning in to run her tongue along one of his nipples before she sat back. 

“Okay...hmmm....” She studied him before she reached out, her slim fingers playing with the buckle of his belt, unlatching and pulling the belt loose. With playful eyes, she reached forward grasping the button of his slacks undoing it then, as he leaned back on his hands, she slid the zipper down slowly. 

Joker hissed when her fingers briefly strayed over his erection still trapped within his boxers.... 

“Your close, but still not quite hot my dear...” 

Harley gigged and started to check the pockets of his slacks, though she leaned forward to breathe warm air on his bound erection receiving a shuddered groan from Joker. After a bit of digging, her hand finally grasped something hard and cold. She pulled it out slowly her eyes widening. 

“OOOOooO PUUDDDINN!!!” 

Harley held the necklace up staring, her eyes perfectly round. 

Joker laughed taking the necklace from her. “Turn around pretty.” 

She turned around so that Joker could drape the necklace around her and latched it. 

“Oh it's so pretty!!! I love it so much!!” Harley squealed. “Oh Mistah J!” 

Joker turned her around on his lap. Harley flung her arms around his neck covering his face with kisses. “Oh puddin! Puddin, puddin, puddin!” 

Joker laughed gagging. “Oh my god, woman! Stop!” 

Harley did with a bright happy smile. 

Joker snickered. “Now I want to see how the necklace looks with you wearing...only it...that's the other thing I want for Christmas, a naked wiggling Harley.” 

Harley squealed and pounced on him. “Oh, I can get you that one puddin!” 

Joker laughed wrapping his arms around her and pulling her down onto the bed...but soon laughter was replaced with moans and hisses of pleasure. 

Buried deep within her, Joker loomed over her while he gnawed the lobe of her ear before he whispered. 

“Merry Christamas pooh bear...” 

Harley groaned in response. “Oh, Merry Christmas Mistah J...”


End file.
